Saturday, March 19, 2016
He's BAAAAAAAAK!!!
After a lengthy and unnecessary stay in the pokey for trumped up FIREWORKS charges, i have returned for more fun and FIRE IN THE SKY!
You are not forgotten, my flamers! Let the sparks FLY!
Friday, July 2, 2010
Once again, the COMMUNIST news media gets it wrong!
More proof that the mass media is under the control anti-freedom flame haters!
Make sure you have a barf bag handy while watching this mess. Then go out and use as many FIREWORKS as you can this 4th!
Make sure you have a barf bag handy while watching this mess. Then go out and use as many FIREWORKS as you can this 4th!
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
Sociaist Alert: Anti American Dingbat Spews LIES!!!
We have yet another blasphemous LIE being preached by some tree hugging hippie that slanders the glorious name of FIREWORKS! The following link leads to pure evil, so be forewarned:
http://record-eagle.com/features/x433576668/Fireworks-celebrations-harm-the-world
LIES!!! ALL OF IT!!! The retarded child that wrote this crap more than likely was the victim of fetal alcohol syndrome. Either that, or she has been taking way too much Ecstasy at those damn raves! Either way, this enviro-NAZI needs to be called out for the horror of her misinformation campaign, which is more then likely based on a secret desire to kill children and puppies.
Remember kids; people who want to ban FIREWORKS are miserable individuals, and they want everyone in the world to be miserable just like them. So if you meet one, encourage them to drink everything they find under the kitchen sink and then tell them go play in traffic!
FREEEEDOM!!!!
http://record-eagle.com/features/x433576668/Fireworks-celebrations-harm-the-world
LIES!!! ALL OF IT!!! The retarded child that wrote this crap more than likely was the victim of fetal alcohol syndrome. Either that, or she has been taking way too much Ecstasy at those damn raves! Either way, this enviro-NAZI needs to be called out for the horror of her misinformation campaign, which is more then likely based on a secret desire to kill children and puppies.
Remember kids; people who want to ban FIREWORKS are miserable individuals, and they want everyone in the world to be miserable just like them. So if you meet one, encourage them to drink everything they find under the kitchen sink and then tell them go play in traffic!
FREEEEDOM!!!!
Sunday, May 23, 2010
Facts about those who want FIREWORKS banned.
Just thought I'd post a few critical facts about those who hate freedom and want to ban FIREWORKS (a.k.a. FLAME-HATERS):
-FLAME-HATERS are unhappy people and want society to feel as miserable as they do.
-FLAME-HATERS cheat on their taxes.
-FLAME-HATERS enjoy telling children that there is no Santa Clause
-FLAME-HATERS worship SATAN.
-FLAME-HATERS take vials of their own PEE and pour it into the punchbowl at parties.
-In most cases, FLAME-HATERS are Anti-Semites.
-FLAME-HATERS will go out of their way to kick a puppy, punch a baby or push an elderly person down a flight of stairs.
-FLAME-HATERS love farting in crowded elevators, then hitting the button for every floor coming up.
-FLAME-HATERS promote tooth decay, and are a leading cause of GINGIVITIS!
-FLAME-HATERS like to use the American flag to wipe their A$$!
-FLAME-HATERS are closet pedophiles who fantasize about child rape.
-FLAME-HATERS also like smoking crystal meth, and have no problem selling it to an 8 year old.
And the #1 fact about FLAME-HATERS;
-THEY KILLED ELVIS!
So remember kids, should you ever come across a FLAME-HATER, kick them in the nads and run away, before they start preaching their blasphemy against the good and wholesome name of FIREWORKS!
-FLAME-HATERS are unhappy people and want society to feel as miserable as they do.
-FLAME-HATERS cheat on their taxes.
-FLAME-HATERS enjoy telling children that there is no Santa Clause
-FLAME-HATERS worship SATAN.
-FLAME-HATERS take vials of their own PEE and pour it into the punchbowl at parties.
-In most cases, FLAME-HATERS are Anti-Semites.
-FLAME-HATERS will go out of their way to kick a puppy, punch a baby or push an elderly person down a flight of stairs.
-FLAME-HATERS love farting in crowded elevators, then hitting the button for every floor coming up.
-FLAME-HATERS promote tooth decay, and are a leading cause of GINGIVITIS!
-FLAME-HATERS like to use the American flag to wipe their A$$!
-FLAME-HATERS are closet pedophiles who fantasize about child rape.
-FLAME-HATERS also like smoking crystal meth, and have no problem selling it to an 8 year old.
And the #1 fact about FLAME-HATERS;
-THEY KILLED ELVIS!
So remember kids, should you ever come across a FLAME-HATER, kick them in the nads and run away, before they start preaching their blasphemy against the good and wholesome name of FIREWORKS!
Sunday, February 15, 2009
FIREWORKS Haiku: Lawmaker?
Insane lawmaker,
Death Penalty For Sparklers?
Revolution NOW!
-Have some FIREWORKS haiku? Post your nonsense in the comments section!
Death Penalty For Sparklers?
Revolution NOW!
-Have some FIREWORKS haiku? Post your nonsense in the comments section!
Friday, February 13, 2009
Arson Man Answers Your Questions
Just like I promised, our resident hero has returned with sound, sage advice for your pursuit of pyro. Let’s get started…
Dear Arson Man,
My parents won’t let me play with FIREWORKS because they say they are dangerous. Is this true?
Billy, Bakersfield, CA Age: 9
AM: A great question, Billy. FIREWORKS are very safe, but it looks like your parents are incredibly ignorant and are afraid of loud noises. Parents like that could seriously endanger a child’s well being. Best thing to do is call Child Protective Services and tell them that your parents are feeding you ALPO.
Dear Arson Man,
I am a 5th grade teacher and I would like to teach my students the dangers of consumer FIREWORKS. How do I block this website?
Mrs. Nousebaum, Atlanta GA Age: Somewhat old and cranky!
AM: That’s easy; just take a bath with your computer…AND A RUNNING TOASTER OVEN!
Dear Arson Man,
Last year my puppy got scared from all the FIREWORKS going off and ran into traffic and got run over. I HATE FIREWORKS.
Sara, Akron, OH Age: 7
AM: Little one, I am so sorry you lost your little puppy, but the truth is he didn’t run into traffic. Those people you think are your parents actually COOKED your puppy and ate it to gain energy for their evil powers. You see my dear, you were kidnapped by circus folk when you were just a baby and slowly they have been brainwashing you to hate FIREWORKS. My advice; RUN AWAY FROM HOME!
Hey Arson Man,
I been out smokin’ that crak an’ eatin’ all the homeboys love cause its pretty up there with the cops kickin my ass with all that Mickey D’s and the grease fire be killin with my strap-on love burnin people with all that shit flyin up in yo face ‘cause Jesus is a rock star…BITCH GIVE ME SOME CRAKERS BAYBEE!
Banjo Pussywhistle, Skid Row Age: unknown
AM: My friend, thank you so much for your support. It’s good to see people out there standing by their freedom. For your kind words we are sending you a brick of Tijuana Toilet Blasters and a road flare! ENJOY!
Dear Arson Man,
I am a firefighter who has seen first hand the destructive nature and human toll that consumer FIREWORKS cause. After reading this website I am convinced that you are a danger to society and need to be locked up. YOU ARE OUT OF YOUR MIND!!!!
Fireman Dan, Hollywood, CA Age: withheld
AM: Ah, the ranting of a communist! You sir are a HATER OF FREEDOM! My advice to you is take your socialist-nanny dogma and float your way back to whatever third world hellhole you crawled out of. Just make sure to leave a forwarding address so we know which country to nuke off the face of the EARTH!!! LET FREEDOM REIGN!!!
Hey Arson Man,
What’s the best brand of bottle rocket to use against hamsters? We’ve been under siege for weeks from these furry demons of the underworld and we’re desperate to get the upper hand before we lose most of the town.
James, Santa Fe, NM Age: 28
AM: Black Cat 9 oz rockets should do the trick! Just be sure to roll them in glue and glass shavings before use. That should send those little fur balls back to HELL!
Well kids, that’s it for now. Keep those letters coming and remember: Fire…everywhere FIRE! MUHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
Dear Arson Man,
My parents won’t let me play with FIREWORKS because they say they are dangerous. Is this true?
Billy, Bakersfield, CA Age: 9
AM: A great question, Billy. FIREWORKS are very safe, but it looks like your parents are incredibly ignorant and are afraid of loud noises. Parents like that could seriously endanger a child’s well being. Best thing to do is call Child Protective Services and tell them that your parents are feeding you ALPO.
Dear Arson Man,
I am a 5th grade teacher and I would like to teach my students the dangers of consumer FIREWORKS. How do I block this website?
Mrs. Nousebaum, Atlanta GA Age: Somewhat old and cranky!
AM: That’s easy; just take a bath with your computer…AND A RUNNING TOASTER OVEN!
Dear Arson Man,
Last year my puppy got scared from all the FIREWORKS going off and ran into traffic and got run over. I HATE FIREWORKS.
Sara, Akron, OH Age: 7
AM: Little one, I am so sorry you lost your little puppy, but the truth is he didn’t run into traffic. Those people you think are your parents actually COOKED your puppy and ate it to gain energy for their evil powers. You see my dear, you were kidnapped by circus folk when you were just a baby and slowly they have been brainwashing you to hate FIREWORKS. My advice; RUN AWAY FROM HOME!
Hey Arson Man,
I been out smokin’ that crak an’ eatin’ all the homeboys love cause its pretty up there with the cops kickin my ass with all that Mickey D’s and the grease fire be killin with my strap-on love burnin people with all that shit flyin up in yo face ‘cause Jesus is a rock star…BITCH GIVE ME SOME CRAKERS BAYBEE!
Banjo Pussywhistle, Skid Row Age: unknown
AM: My friend, thank you so much for your support. It’s good to see people out there standing by their freedom. For your kind words we are sending you a brick of Tijuana Toilet Blasters and a road flare! ENJOY!
Dear Arson Man,
I am a firefighter who has seen first hand the destructive nature and human toll that consumer FIREWORKS cause. After reading this website I am convinced that you are a danger to society and need to be locked up. YOU ARE OUT OF YOUR MIND!!!!
Fireman Dan, Hollywood, CA Age: withheld
AM: Ah, the ranting of a communist! You sir are a HATER OF FREEDOM! My advice to you is take your socialist-nanny dogma and float your way back to whatever third world hellhole you crawled out of. Just make sure to leave a forwarding address so we know which country to nuke off the face of the EARTH!!! LET FREEDOM REIGN!!!
Hey Arson Man,
What’s the best brand of bottle rocket to use against hamsters? We’ve been under siege for weeks from these furry demons of the underworld and we’re desperate to get the upper hand before we lose most of the town.
James, Santa Fe, NM Age: 28
AM: Black Cat 9 oz rockets should do the trick! Just be sure to roll them in glue and glass shavings before use. That should send those little fur balls back to HELL!
Well kids, that’s it for now. Keep those letters coming and remember: Fire…everywhere FIRE! MUHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
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